Sniff and Sob

I am a crier and it drives me crazy. I cry at sad things. I cry at happy things. I cry at commercials. I cry if ever I see anyone else cry, whether it is for happy or sad reasons. I cry even if someone is just choked up or has the faintest hint of a tear in their eye. One of the worst is that I have to fight back the tears at the beginning of any type of performance. I don't know if it is the excitement in the air or what, but this is one time when I could certainly do without the tears. I also cry if I am ever forced to get up in front of people to talk. I really hate getting up in front of people and the way I handle the sheer nervousness of the situation is to cry. So, not only do I have to deal with the nervousness, but then I have to dig deep inside to do everything I can so that I don't just start crying uncontrollably for no reason. Ugh. I'm just so mushy on the inside that I could probably even cry if I just thought about crying. It is embarrassing and makes me feel completely out of control of my emotions, which I really don't like. Plus, it's not like I am a pretty crier. I'm not. There is no such thing as a sweet little tear running down my cheek or just some watery eyes. It is all or nothing. Crying means my face turns red and blotchy and my eyes swell up. It's real pretty. I say all this because for some strange reason I felt the desire to read the book Heaven Is Here by Stephanie Nielson. I was just curious about the plane accident. I don't really like to read her blog and she isn't someone that I feel a connection to or anything, but yet here I am reading her memoir and cursing it every moment because it has made me cry like I haven't cried in a very, very long time. It is killing me. My eyes are completely swollen, my face is possibly permanently blotchy, and my head is pounding. This is a great way to start our summer vacation from school. The worst part is that I'm not even done with the dang book yet. Sheesh. Plus, I think I'm freaking my kids out. So, if you ever find that I am less than sentimental about goodbyes, or I seem to be a little less sensitive about a situation than I should, now you know why. Once the tears start, they just don't stop and I will do everything I can to avoid them.